Aimy has a sad

It's no mystery that my activity here spikes during assessment period, as does anxiety/irritability, etc.

Often I find myself at the initiating end of an offer, and occasionally I overestimate myself. One thing that motivates me is other people. That's why I tend to be more productive in group work situations, even more so when I'm working with people that I am close with. It's like setting a deadline and a sense of accountability. If I was just doing something for myself, I'd just hate myself for messing up, but I'm going to work my butt off before I let someone else down. So when I make an offer and then put effort into something, it ruins me when the other party doesn't reciprocate that.

I wrote this with one thing in mind today but now I can see how this could easily apply to so many things as of late. The unreciprocated effort leaves me with such a sense of disappointment and it just accumulates until I have no idea what I am doing with people anymore. So far I've just had to knuckle down out of obligation - I'm not copping out of 10% final mark because some people are lazy butts - but some things I care about should also be cared about by other people and when they don't, there's no other way to describe it but disheartening. Maybe a bit disappointing, but not infuriating.

Anger can be so damaging. In pictures and poetry it is fire; annihilating, destructive. I am not immune to those feelings but I know they pass and I try to spare the people I care about from it. I am angry about situations, about a shitty day at work, not about my friends and family (though I have to try so hard sometimes). When I am slighted, I am disheartened; disappointed. When it's people I care about, I try not to be angry because we don't need two angry people hurting even more than necessary. I am forgiving; I always am, but sometimes it's heart wrenching,  and eventually even stone can be worn down.

I might be in a bit of a rut at the moment but I'm hoping it picks up once this terribly long week is over.

I had more to add, but the thoughts escaped before my fingers could reach the keys.

On a slightly more positive note, I have an interview tomorrow! Some points that I will have to consider between now and then:

• Why do I want to do Pharmacy?
• What's ma fav thing about it?
•  Why should they even give me a job 

fuck these quizzes and good night all