Queen B

So I never properly listened to Beyonce until last week when I fell into an awful slump and holy jesus did she turn my week around. It must've been a combination of her tunes + me reaching the end of my tether, but I am absolutely certain that her voice is magical. No doubt about it. I would've lingered on the problem for even longer otherwise. 2821 got me so bogged down in confusion it felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel and just no place for it in the bigger picture. Thankfully it makes a bit more sense now but I've still miles to go.

Sistahs gotta stick 2gether. Girl power woohoo.

Also, a new header! The previous one was kinda ugly and I didn't like it anyway. This one's a bit of a return to the first one and I'm enjoying it a muuch more. Simple, but not static. I might have just realised that that's the kind of life I hope for, which gives me the perfect segue into what I wanted to talk about: life right now.

There's been an atmosphere slowly growing around certain people and lately it's starting to become toxic. What's worse is having to share the breathing space with them. The generational and cultural gap is widening and becoming more apparent in my family.

Sometimes I feel like I can't stand my sister but at times like these I (hopefully she does too) realise we're in the same boat. Things that my mum/grandma say are just so fucking shocking yet their attitudes are incorrigible and Lily and I end up on the receiving end of a narrow-minded reeducation. I guess the proper thing to do would be to just keep my head down until I can move out but I'm going to note this as a very distinct change in my own attitudes. I'm fairly sure that this time last year the plan was to just stick around home and take my time saving up until I could be financially comfortable on my own. Maybe I've matured, maybe it's just become more obvious or intolerable now that we're all in closer proximity, but I want out. I'm sure Lily wants out too and if money were no object we would be so out.

I understand that it's a cultural thing for the hierarchy to be the way it is but given that we are getting older and they brought us up to think, they were way too optimistic to expect us not to question authority. We do have valid ideas, but if they're unwilling to consider change or /empathise/ then whatever that's how they are, old people, middle aged people. I'll just stay under the radar. Hopefully the narrow mindedness isn't genetic. Considering that it's infected 2 generations though.. hah.

In other news, I feel like I'm directing way too much effort in being grumps towards other people. Maybe to much effort to begin with. I just imagine everyone's busy concentrating on their own stuff and I'm bugging people left/right/centre because I can't deal with being by myself for a few weeks. Right about now the doubts start rising and they tell me to depend on no one, abandon attachment, expect little, and find a cat who will love me forever. Joy. I miss my people.

Holidays come at meeeeee plsletmepassthough.

Also fuck CD.

HNMR of caffeine. Drug of choice for the next week.