Somehow I've ended up with too much on my plate. Actually I know how; it was out of fear of being static and unproductive. Concerns about being unaccomplished, unable to contribute, etc. While I'm worried about being stretched thin for time, being able to be involved in this much work is kind of exciting at the same time. Work/uni not so much, but the side projects and position on the society (woo!!!!) has me on the edge of my seat to create and work with people. If only I could have all the energy in the world.
Today was my first day off in two weeks and it was a bit startling. Technically I have work to do but fuck that (for now) because I hadn't been home to eat a proper meal in a week in half. I made the mother of all sandwiches and sent myself to food coma land for a solid 3 hours and napped all afternoon. Bliss. Hoping to be able to better balance the new things and the old things and all the people along the way.
Sunday, 18 May 2014
placement log 5
DAY 5 (1000 days later)
This post is ridiculously delayed and is about my last day of placement at SP Ashy. The day was mostly quiet so it wasn't too stressful but unfortunately there wasn't as much to observe.
One noteworthy thing from the day though, that I can relate to the domains, was the effect of the leader on the attitudes of the staff. J was stuck in a rut organising things with people and something broke the camel's back while I was out on my lunch break because when I got back, the mood was death and I could feel the gloom that suddenly infected everybody's work. Towards the end when he got his things sorted though, he was visibly more relaxed and everybody else lightened up too. Go figure.
And I guess that's it for day 5 folks.
This post is ridiculously delayed and is about my last day of placement at SP Ashy. The day was mostly quiet so it wasn't too stressful but unfortunately there wasn't as much to observe.
One noteworthy thing from the day though, that I can relate to the domains, was the effect of the leader on the attitudes of the staff. J was stuck in a rut organising things with people and something broke the camel's back while I was out on my lunch break because when I got back, the mood was death and I could feel the gloom that suddenly infected everybody's work. Towards the end when he got his things sorted though, he was visibly more relaxed and everybody else lightened up too. Go figure.
And I guess that's it for day 5 folks.
Monday, 28 April 2014
placement log 3-4
Placement day 3 happened last Thursday, so I'm going to have to test my memory with this log. 4 days ago feels like 400 days ago - I've been occupied with something every day and I'm a bit glad that I split the block with a weekend, because at least work meant a change of scenery/pace.
My ambition on Thursday was to improve my counseling technique. I prepared CMIs for learning and summarising, but according to J, the best way to learn the important information is by reading the AMH. That one's going to be a work in progress. At some point during the day, K did try to get me to counsel him on statins. It was a short-lived venture; the day-to-day duties of the dispensary quickly took precedence.
Thursday meant webster shipping which meant a chaotic rush to have everything packed/ready. All that on top of the usual dispensing. It was mostly stressful and now that I try to remember it, I can't. Having V there to help me dispense was very helpful although I felt bad for bossing her around. I learnt about the 21 day safety net - legislation/the healthcare system is pretty interesting to learn about, I feel like it's important to contextualise the profession. I hadn't really focused on the domains over the first 3 days because while I am aware of its importance in underpinning the profession, it felt more like rules. I feel like learning how to procede in accordance to the rules is more engaging and useful than just learning the rules. Same reason why they dont make us memorise/quote specific legislature??
As an aside, I finally met A! We go way back; he was the first person at the pharmacy to receive my papers and pass them to John. It was good to finally meet him again and to see him work. He's a very task-oriented person and although he only drops by once a week apparently, he picks up the work smoothly and efficiently. He also likes to keep the dispensary clean, which makes 2 (bless P).
Anyway that was a long ass day.
3 days off later - 2 x work + 1 x housewifeing - I return with a mild-ish vigour but a rested mind. I am ready to work.
The day peaked quickly and I was swamped with long ass scripts early on. Things of note:
- I had to interrupt a LONG script to rush a 2nd script because the patient returned early. In this situation I should've bugged someone else to do it instead of trying to do it on my own. By the time it was finished with me (yep) I was just totally confused by where I left off on the first script. FOCUS IS KEY.
- Endone is kept in the safe, and that HM/SPA are fairly reliant on each other for spare stock. Also Erskine Park. HCP relationships are important, not to mention all the phone calls John keeps making. Medicine swaps and compounding and prescription appropriateness are all topics conversation between the pharmacists.
- Some patients are patient and willing to come back the next day for an order. Some are not. I'm endlessly surprised by people who are willing to come back tomorrow for an order, especially old immobile people. What's stopping them from visiting another pharmacy to buy the medicine?
No specific lesson was taught today but I did talk to J/K about what motivates them and their thoughts on my patent vs royalty theory. I feel like I need to push the first question a bit further. They said money and family, which then got twisted into money anyway. I want a bit more substance. What is money a means for? Family is a wonderful, humbling answer and I have much respect for K for being motivated by his family. I want to know what money is a means for. Wealth? Comfort? Where does patient care come into this? I want to know what is important to a person who is a pharmacist.
Personally I think I want to do good. Simply to do good, and if reading and learning about the system so that I can change it or working with patients who are a part of it means that it will help them in their lives, then I will try my best to do that. Finding out today that I didn't get the position at the pharmacy was a bit soul crushing though; I'm more sad than angry or spiteful... Having spent weeks there, I'd hoped to get a leg up on the job, but in the end I doubt I was even considered. I didn't even get a call for an interview; I didn't get the chance to fight my case in front of F and even be considered. Honestly this is demotivating and it makes me feel like there is no room for me to contribute to this field. It's only an assistant job and as much as they talk it down, it's a step closer to where I want to be. How am I going to get there? I've eaten 3 consolation pancakes.
More notes in the domain booklets.
My ambition on Thursday was to improve my counseling technique. I prepared CMIs for learning and summarising, but according to J, the best way to learn the important information is by reading the AMH. That one's going to be a work in progress. At some point during the day, K did try to get me to counsel him on statins. It was a short-lived venture; the day-to-day duties of the dispensary quickly took precedence.
Thursday meant webster shipping which meant a chaotic rush to have everything packed/ready. All that on top of the usual dispensing. It was mostly stressful and now that I try to remember it, I can't. Having V there to help me dispense was very helpful although I felt bad for bossing her around. I learnt about the 21 day safety net - legislation/the healthcare system is pretty interesting to learn about, I feel like it's important to contextualise the profession. I hadn't really focused on the domains over the first 3 days because while I am aware of its importance in underpinning the profession, it felt more like rules. I feel like learning how to procede in accordance to the rules is more engaging and useful than just learning the rules. Same reason why they dont make us memorise/quote specific legislature??
As an aside, I finally met A! We go way back; he was the first person at the pharmacy to receive my papers and pass them to John. It was good to finally meet him again and to see him work. He's a very task-oriented person and although he only drops by once a week apparently, he picks up the work smoothly and efficiently. He also likes to keep the dispensary clean, which makes 2 (bless P).
Anyway that was a long ass day.
3 days off later - 2 x work + 1 x housewifeing - I return with a mild-ish vigour but a rested mind. I am ready to work.
The day peaked quickly and I was swamped with long ass scripts early on. Things of note:
- I had to interrupt a LONG script to rush a 2nd script because the patient returned early. In this situation I should've bugged someone else to do it instead of trying to do it on my own. By the time it was finished with me (yep) I was just totally confused by where I left off on the first script. FOCUS IS KEY.
- Endone is kept in the safe, and that HM/SPA are fairly reliant on each other for spare stock. Also Erskine Park. HCP relationships are important, not to mention all the phone calls John keeps making. Medicine swaps and compounding and prescription appropriateness are all topics conversation between the pharmacists.
- Some patients are patient and willing to come back the next day for an order. Some are not. I'm endlessly surprised by people who are willing to come back tomorrow for an order, especially old immobile people. What's stopping them from visiting another pharmacy to buy the medicine?
No specific lesson was taught today but I did talk to J/K about what motivates them and their thoughts on my patent vs royalty theory. I feel like I need to push the first question a bit further. They said money and family, which then got twisted into money anyway. I want a bit more substance. What is money a means for? Family is a wonderful, humbling answer and I have much respect for K for being motivated by his family. I want to know what money is a means for. Wealth? Comfort? Where does patient care come into this? I want to know what is important to a person who is a pharmacist.
Personally I think I want to do good. Simply to do good, and if reading and learning about the system so that I can change it or working with patients who are a part of it means that it will help them in their lives, then I will try my best to do that. Finding out today that I didn't get the position at the pharmacy was a bit soul crushing though; I'm more sad than angry or spiteful... Having spent weeks there, I'd hoped to get a leg up on the job, but in the end I doubt I was even considered. I didn't even get a call for an interview; I didn't get the chance to fight my case in front of F and even be considered. Honestly this is demotivating and it makes me feel like there is no room for me to contribute to this field. It's only an assistant job and as much as they talk it down, it's a step closer to where I want to be. How am I going to get there? I've eaten 3 consolation pancakes.
More notes in the domain booklets.
Wednesday, 23 April 2014
placement log day 1 + 2
For a week I am having placement at my local pharmacy to become acquainted with the nature of community pharmacy. I've started dispensing and (VERY BRIEF) counselling and this is a log of my activities for future reflection.
Yesterday I was able to learn the software to dispense from start to end. I found that once I was able to understand the work flow, dispensing became much easier. The data input wasn't always intuitive and I made plenty of mistakes, which brought to my attention all the possible ways a dispensing could go wrong (there are so many). After much hair pulling and stressing, I decided it was time to understand the different types of scripts - pharm+patient copy vs duplicates vs medicare copies vs repeats - and patient claims - C/G/AC/AUG etc. We were flat out busy but the pharmacist found time in between scripts to explain to me the different categorising of patients under medicare, and the safety net for PBS drugs. It's a big picture but he was patient and now that there is some kind of context for the scripts, I feel that it's easier to power through the process.
So yesterday's emphasis was on the dispensing work flow.
I felt uncomfortable being unable to counsel patients on their medications and it doesn't look like there's an easy way into it; I've just got to learn the CMIs I suppose... Oh fun times ahead. It's hard not to notice the disparity between the quality of counselling expected by the university vs the quality of actual counselling IRL. Scenario/hypothetical patients have way more time and patience than real life patients and during busy times, it feels almost impossible to counsel; at my level, anyway. If I could gun through a couple of questions that would probably be enough, but as I mentioned earlier I would have to be able to jump into counselling the medication by heart. So, it looks like I've got some CMIs to read.
I've also got the Competency Standards Framework (PSA) to learn but for now I am tired and the practical learning is much more appealing.
Other things I observed during day 1 included:
DAY 1
At this stage I'd already had several 2hr weekly placements. The advantage of full day placements is that you see a wider spectrum work. Not much happens in 2 hours; if it's a busy hour maybe several scripts come through and you see a mad rush. Maybe 1 or 2 interesting things happen but it's not enough to get a good scope on what the full responsibilities and tasks of a pharmacist entail.Yesterday I was able to learn the software to dispense from start to end. I found that once I was able to understand the work flow, dispensing became much easier. The data input wasn't always intuitive and I made plenty of mistakes, which brought to my attention all the possible ways a dispensing could go wrong (there are so many). After much hair pulling and stressing, I decided it was time to understand the different types of scripts - pharm+patient copy vs duplicates vs medicare copies vs repeats - and patient claims - C/G/AC/AUG etc. We were flat out busy but the pharmacist found time in between scripts to explain to me the different categorising of patients under medicare, and the safety net for PBS drugs. It's a big picture but he was patient and now that there is some kind of context for the scripts, I feel that it's easier to power through the process.
So yesterday's emphasis was on the dispensing work flow.
I felt uncomfortable being unable to counsel patients on their medications and it doesn't look like there's an easy way into it; I've just got to learn the CMIs I suppose... Oh fun times ahead. It's hard not to notice the disparity between the quality of counselling expected by the university vs the quality of actual counselling IRL. Scenario/hypothetical patients have way more time and patience than real life patients and during busy times, it feels almost impossible to counsel; at my level, anyway. If I could gun through a couple of questions that would probably be enough, but as I mentioned earlier I would have to be able to jump into counselling the medication by heart. So, it looks like I've got some CMIs to read.
I've also got the Competency Standards Framework (PSA) to learn but for now I am tired and the practical learning is much more appealing.
Other things I observed during day 1 included:
- S8 dispensing - patient request for oxycodone slow release
- compounding - this was also vastly different from uni compounding. I helped make a salicylic acid cream and a glycerol/emulsifying wax moisturiser. It's kinda gritty and we winged it a bit with the packaging but it worked out. The rules are not rules outside of the institution and you are your own medicine's creator. (there are laws though)
- near theft - somebody tried to steal something????? losing the head pharmacist as he left to follow up sneaky people meant that the dispensary fell to near chaos momentarily before picking up again.
Time goes by quickly in the dispensary and it's not until I finish and I'm on my way home that I realise I am exhausted.
DAY 2
I wanted to really consolidate the dispensing workflow that I started yesterday and the pharmacist was happy to let me romp around and do my thing. Again, more mistakes made, more lessons learnt. From now on for new patients I think I'll request the medicare card. Although repeats have the MC#, it doesn't have the DOB and it just becomes a hassle moving back and forth from the computer to the patient. Not to mention that they wouldn't always be there, and it looks like I don't have my shit together. When that happened though, one of the girls who worked there stepped in and actually called up Medicare to confirm a patients MC#. It was really good to watch and learn from that. I also met another girl in my cohort - small world! It was so pleasant working with the girls, we shared the workload and helped each other collecting and preparing the medications.
I didn't really have time to look at the domains today but I was busy dispensing, placing stock, and I did some webster packing towards the end of the day. I spoke in Mandarin!!? I don't even speak that language but some patients had no English in them so I forced some rubbish out and they were able to make some sense of it. It was such a funny situation! I might consider practising it properly eventually.
When medications are out of stock in the dispensary, we sometimes call up the neighbouring one to borrow their stock. Today I did my own run for some prescription cream but forgot to take the exchange slip... Luckily it's only 2 minutes away and I ran back before anyone else realised my mistake. Honestly I feel like I have to make mistakes for something important to be engrained in my mind... As long as the consequences do no harm to anybody I don't really mind. If anything it puts an emphasis on particular processes and considerations.
There were some mistakes that I wasn't too pleased with making. Towards the end of the day my energy was spent; I hadn't eaten lunch and I was kept busy all day so errors started showing and for one script I hadn't even picked up on the authority number. Some things are more obvious than others, but I knew that the day was going to be done soon, before I made any serious mistakes.
These 2 days have been a good learning experience. There are still things I want to learn about the system - the typical day too, but I want a picture bigger than that. For now I sleep.
Friday, 14 March 2014
Friday, 21 February 2014
holiday, work.
Two months gone so quickly and now uni looms ahead, two weeks away. I feel a mixture of relief and reluctance, having jumped from highly productive to sloth mode countless times this holiday but overall feeling unaccomplished.
Pharmacy work is still nowhere in sight even though I machine gunned out applications early in January, and now I'm in a feeling of disenchantment. How do I keep on trying to enter a field that seems like it, cliche as this sounds, doesn't need me? Is there even any reason to? Apparently it's a numbers game but it feels so much harder than it looks for other people.
Hopelessness. That's a bit of what it feels like. Every letter is a futile attempt and I don't know what's compelling me to keep going anymore. At least when class starts again there'll be a sense of productivity that can make up for the lack of actual work.
Writing continues.
Pharmacy work is still nowhere in sight even though I machine gunned out applications early in January, and now I'm in a feeling of disenchantment. How do I keep on trying to enter a field that seems like it, cliche as this sounds, doesn't need me? Is there even any reason to? Apparently it's a numbers game but it feels so much harder than it looks for other people.
Hopelessness. That's a bit of what it feels like. Every letter is a futile attempt and I don't know what's compelling me to keep going anymore. At least when class starts again there'll be a sense of productivity that can make up for the lack of actual work.
Writing continues.
Monday, 3 February 2014
Wednesday, 25 December 2013
slightly mediocre
My family isn't particularly religious, so we don't throw a huge hurrah when Christmas rolls around. Today has been largely disappointing. Most of the week I worked myself up to be excited because it's Christmas and tis the season, etc. Working every second day and spending the days in between with people turned out to be just the right balance, and even if I could've done with a bit more time to do my own thing it was going so well. Today though, my mood peaked about 2 hrs after waking up and has been noticeably declining since.
The past 8 hours has been mostly me overeating alone (re-enter: ice cream phase) and trying to paint Wendy's Christmas peacock. I don't feel the energy to draw though and I've noticed the declining quality of my animals since the squirrel, which is somewhat upsetting and demotivating. Photos of friends/families are flooding FB and I am definitely feeling a pang of jealousy; my family is probably incapable of ever having something like that. This unit has been rapidly disintegrating and is now beyond redemption.
There are 3 hours left of today and I will do something
Tuesday, 17 December 2013
Sunday, 15 December 2013
not having work is not the same as not having worth. There is a person underneath all the things we find to kill time, and is measured by what we can do in our own eyes. personal achievements vs. achievement in the public eye. someone that is entirely potential; tapped and untapped. a shift in focus. what we can do vs. what we do for a living vs. what we do to help others live vs. what we do to feel alive. this self does not include the people around us. minds are islands and there are no bridges. we are influenced by people but we are limited by our own empathy and experiences. each person is their own self.
Doing something for a living takes such precedence. I'm stuck in a rut where it feels like there isn't enough time for everything, except now there isn't much time at work and it's making me feel as though I've got nothing to fall back on. Right now though I've just got to remember that my work isn't me anyway and that there are the other aspects that I can work on with the extra time. I've tied too much of myself to what I am able to do in financial comfort, and losing a few shifts isn't going to throw me to the sharks.
Doing something for a living takes such precedence. I'm stuck in a rut where it feels like there isn't enough time for everything, except now there isn't much time at work and it's making me feel as though I've got nothing to fall back on. Right now though I've just got to remember that my work isn't me anyway and that there are the other aspects that I can work on with the extra time. I've tied too much of myself to what I am able to do in financial comfort, and losing a few shifts isn't going to throw me to the sharks.
Reassurance.
It has spurred me to find work that I am happy doing. What we do for a living doesn't have to be separate from what we do to feel alive. There are people fortunate enough to have found a middle ground - though no doubt it would've been a combination of fortune and ridiculous hard work. Something for me to work towards.
This post is not guaranteed to make sense.
Tuesday, 10 December 2013
aimy has a productive day
bastard child of jules de balincourt and andrew hem
Today has been remarkably productive and I am proud of myself. Though it's late and work is early tomorrow, I feel it necessary to record this elation before it gets lost in the momentum of every day hum drum. What I did today:
- finished Zen + Art. I'm unsure of what to make of the ending, I definitely have to read over it again. Sometimes I felt like it was hitting the nail on the head with certain topics but other times RP drew such strange conclusions out of what felt like abstraction. It definitely left me in a contemplative state though. Good read.
- applied for a job.
- finally dropped by TC to help out. I got to meet some lovely ladies who ran the shop, and they taught me a few things before we ended up just chatting and getting to know each other. So charming. K is adorable and N is a cool mum. I went to the toy shop and then the bakery (I bought a cinnamon scroll) and then rode my bike home.
- started a painting. I liked how it looked but it wasn't how it looked in my dream. Still going.
- joined le gym! went rowing! cross trainer! machines! lifting things!
oh today was good.
if only i could drop the unrelenting burden of doubt, which has been robbing me of sleep and stealing enjoyment from my day. It's a constant, undulating sadness. I've almost completely accepted my fate re: 2821 but I'm still deciding what my plan of action will be for that as well as other things. I'll find the courage to check soon.
Thursday, 5 December 2013
hobutt, tas
mt wellington
What a reprieve. I arrived with minimal expectations and hoped just to enjoy a few days away and Hobart was the perfectly slow-paced, small-big town that insisted on kicking back and taking it easy.
The airport looked like a farm, the city sat between mountains and a river, and even the sea gulls outside the fish and chip joints were mostly chill. We took the ferry to MONA and a bus up Mt Wellington. Both were so fantastic. MONA was confronting and even frightening sometimes. There was an installation where you entered a series of chambers set inside each other, getting smaller and smaller. The walls were low lit from the ground and binary code spelt some ancient text + ominous English words. In the smallest chamber on the ceiling there was a mirror, and that was when I screamed like a little bitch. Regardless, I thoroughly enjoyed that one. And most of them. The ride up to the pinnacle of Mt. Wellington was quite pleasant. The bus driver was so amicable and though there was a lot of cloud cover at first, it did clear up a little. You could only just see the city peeking through the thick cloud, but I think I'd have preferred it that way anyway. Against the strange plants of the mountainside, the clouds made Mt Wellington look even more alien. Shrubbery was dense with thick, heavy leaves all clustered together to withstand the wind. Rocks were spotted with lichen and in some areas, smoothly cut as if a side of the mountain had just risen and left the rest behind. It was breathtaking. Painfully cold, because we were dumb enough to forget our jackets, but we got used to the wind after a while. It was so amazing.
The rest of our time was divided between sleeping (I hadn't slept so much in so long), eating fish and chips and pie, and walking through the grid map streets of the city. We made our way through Salamanca Place, Battery point and found old Georgian buildings and newish weatherboard houses. It was a beautiful manifestation of the changing culture throughout the history of the town. Old buildings were repurposed into new spaces for offices and restaurants without losing the old charm. Everything was so peaceful and so were the people. Everyone also owns vintage cars and motorbikes apparently.
I was definitely sad to leave. I guess I'm glad that I'm now much more calm and relaxed compared to before, but returning from the peacefulness of Hobart feels like being forced out of the comfort and security of my warm bed, into an unwelcoming morning. Knowing that I have to inevitably deal with things once we got back put a damper on my spirit, but I feel a bit more ready to face whatever may happen.
I was definitely sad to leave. I guess I'm glad that I'm now much more calm and relaxed compared to before, but returning from the peacefulness of Hobart feels like being forced out of the comfort and security of my warm bed, into an unwelcoming morning. Knowing that I have to inevitably deal with things once we got back put a damper on my spirit, but I feel a bit more ready to face whatever may happen.
Wednesday, 27 November 2013
Monday, 18 November 2013
Friday, 15 November 2013
Iceland
Another (virtual) neuron for later. project for the holidays. I need to reckon with how/why this has been sitting on my mind for so long.
Good night and good luck to everyone. Exam period is always brief.
Move
Sticking this in a (virtual) neuron for later, as Peter Carroll would say. In my dream, we moved to an apartment in Singapore that felt very, well, un-Singaporean. Flat roofs, reasonably tall apartments with courtyards, fading chalky paint and ornamentation. It seemed more like India, or somewhere further into the continent. I had no idea what we were doing there and Lily was still supposed to be going to school in AU. She had a cheap weekly plane ticket. I want this to be the travel bug in my subconscious telling me to get moving; home is always close by when flying is a cheap ticket. Hopefully I'll draw this later, I don't think it actually looks anything like what I have. This was about the same time last year that I started having the strange dreams and it would be pretty damn cool if they start happening again.
In nothing new, I'm trying to be more involved in the community (pharmacy + arts). Things that I've applied for recently:
- so many pharmacy jobs. soo many. I've put off following up applications because... I don't know, I didn't want to seem overzealous. Obviously I was an idiot before but now that I'm desperate to get my foot in the door, I have very few fucks to give about what they'll think of me anymore. I have a few to chase up after next Fri.
- theatre front of house. still on my to-do list c.2011! can't stop me
- volunteer work. it'd be nice to be on the local scene.
- extra pt load. this might be the last thing I need on top of a ft load but I think I really want to try this.
Olivia said I might be one of those people who can't decide on doing one thing, and she probably didn't mean it as an endearment. Lots of love to her though, she taught me much. This is probably when I'll have the most time on my hands so I may as well give it all a go. Shoot for the stars and land on the moon, right?
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